5 Lessons From Horses You Can Use in Everyday Life

Hi and welcome back!

Today, I found myself pulling a lesson out of my “barn toolbox” during a difficult conversation with a colleague. Yes, you read that right: the barn. There I was, in a totally normal office interaction, and all of a sudden something I learned while working with horses years ago popped into my brain and guided the way I responded.

It worked so well that I thought, okay, maybe people already know this… but maybe they don’t. And even if they do, maybe they need a reminder. So today I’m sharing five surprisingly practical lessons I’ve learned from working with horses - lessons you can use in your daily life whether you’re navigating work, relationships, parenting, or simply surviving the long line at Costco without completely losing your cool.

So, let’s saddle up (sorry, I can’t help myself) and ride through these lessons together!

1. Look Forward: Where You Focus, You Go

Horseback riding is all about balance - and a horse notices your balance even more than you do. When you’re on a horse, you’re basically a giant joystick: lean back and the horse slows down, tip forward and the horse moves ahead, lean left or right and the horse responds in kind.

What’s even trickier is that your eyes play a role too. Wherever you look, your body naturally shifts. Look to the right, and you’ll subtly lean right - and the horse follows. Look down at the horse’s ears instead of forward on the trail? You’ve just given your horse zero direction. Horses want clarity. They trust that you know where you’re going, but they need you to prove it by looking forward and keeping your posture aligned with that vision.

I learned this the hard way when I was a new rider and spent too much time looking at the horse itself. I ended up weaving around the arena like a distracted driver texting at stoplights. Once I learned to lift my gaze and look ahead, suddenly everything smoothed out. The horse relaxed because I wasn’t micromanaging.

👉 Life takeaway: You steer life in the direction you’re focused on. If you spend all your energy staring at obstacles, grudges, or past mistakes, you’ll end up stuck circling them. But when you look ahead - at the bigger picture, at your goals, at what matters most - your body, mind, and actions naturally line up.

Think of it like driving: if you stare at the pothole, you’ll hit it. If you look down at your lap, you’ll drift. But if you look at the road ahead, you’ll stay in your lane. (Unless your lane happens to be I-10 at rush hour. Then all bets are off.)

2. Check It at the Gate: Regulate Before You Relate

When I volunteered at a therapeutic riding center, we had a phrase: Check your feelings at

the gate.

And we meant it literally. To get onto the property, you had to stop the car, unlock a gate, drive through, and then shut and relock it. That pause was intentional. It was your chance to leave whatever emotional baggage you were carrying outside.

Because therapy horses pick up on everything. If you’re stressed, they get stressed. If you’re frustrated, they respond. Add in the fact that most of the riders were children with disabilities, and you can see why calm, steady energy mattered so much. You couldn’t show up with your shoulders hunched and your mind racing. You had to leave it at the gate, for everyone’s sake.

👉 Life takeaway: This little ritual translates beautifully into real life. Before you walk into a meeting, pause and mentally set aside your irritation with the email that just hit your inbox. Before you walk into your house at the end of the day, take a deep breath in the car and release the stress from work.

It doesn’t mean your emotions aren’t valid. They’re still there, waiting for you when you’re ready. But you don’t have to drag them into every situation like an overpacked carry-on bag that doesn’t fit in the overhead compartment.

I’ve started telling myself, “Okay brain, thank you for the feelings, but I’m setting these down for now.” Weirdly enough, it works. It’s like emotional coat check: you’ll get your stuff back later, but for now you can move through the world lighter.

3. Observe for Clues: People Are Talking Without Words

Horses don’t use words, but they have a whole dictionary of signals. A relaxed horse licks or

smacks its lips, yawns, or lowers its head. An irritated horse swishes its tail or pins its ears back. A nervous horse might shift weight or snort. Once you spend enough time around them, you get fluent in these micro-clues.

I once had a horse who gave me what I called “the side-eye of doom.” At first, I thought she was just quirky. Nope - that look was her way of saying, “If you push me right now, I will make your life difficult.” Once I learned to catch it early, I could adjust and avoid a standoff.

👉 Life takeaway: People also give clues long before they speak - sometimes even when they’re trying not to. Crossed arms, darting eyes, a subtle change in tone. That sigh you hear in a meeting? It’s saying, “I disagree,” without needing words.

Pay attention to these non-verbal cues. It’s not about manipulation. It’s about empathy. If you notice someone is stressed or distracted, maybe don’t launch into your biggest request right then. If they’re leaning in, nodding, and smiling, that’s your green light.

Think of it like being a friendly detective. You’re not trying to catch people; you’re trying to connect. Emotional intelligence starts with observation, and observation starts with slowing down enough to notice.

4. Posture and Confidence: Walk Like You Mean It

Horses are hypersensitive to confidence levels. Enter Jack, a rescue donkey at the riding center, who made this abundantly clear. Jack was skittish. If you walked into his pasture directly toward him, eyes locked on him and focused, he bolted like you’d just announced tax season had been extended. But if you meandered casually, acting like you just happened to wander into his space, he’d let you get close enough to scratch his ears.

Other horses were the opposite. They wanted a leader. If you didn’t walk with confidence, they assumed the role themselves. And trust me, you do not want a thousand-pound animal deciding they’re the boss.

👉 Life takeaway: How you carry yourself changes how others see you - and how you see yourself. Standing tall, walking with purpose, and speaking clearly signals confidence, even if you’re faking it at first. And here’s the fun part: your brain eventually believes the signals your body is sending.

So try these little hacks:

• Square your shoulders before you enter a room.

• Walk like you’re heading toward free samples at Costco.

• Speak at a pace that lets people actually hear you.

You don’t need to become a swaggering cowboy, but you can project calm authority. And yes, whispering affirmations in your bathroom mirror might feel silly, but it actually works. Just maybe skip doing it loudly at Target unless you want new friends in the cleaning supplies aisle.

5. Pressure and Release: Clarity + Timing = Progress

One of the most effective horse training techniques is called pressure and release. To ask a horse to move forward, you apply gentle leg pressure. The second they move, you release the pressure. That release is the reward.

The timing matters. If you keep pressing after the horse responds, they don’t connect the dots. But release in the moment, and they learn quickly.

👉 Life takeaway: Humans are not horses, but we respond to clarity and timing too. When you need something, make your ask clear. Apply just enough pressure - a deadline, a nudge, a gentle reminder. And the moment you see action, step back and acknowledge it.

This works especially well with kids (“Thanks for putting your shoes on when I asked”), with teammates (“I really appreciate you jumping on that project”), and yes, even with partners (“Thanks for unloading the dishwasher without me asking”).

The magic isn’t in the pressure; it’s in the release. It’s in rewarding progress quickly and clearly. That’s what builds trust and momentum.

Final Thought: Lessons From the Barn

So there you have it: five lessons from horses that have nothing to do with manure and everything to do with daily life.

• Look forward so you steer where you want to go.

• Check your feelings at the gate so you bring calm into new spaces.

• Observe for clues because people are talking even when they’re not.

• Carry yourself with confidence - even if you’re faking it at first.

• Use pressure and release wisely, and reward movement in the right direction.

The barn may look nothing like an office or a kitchen table, but the lessons carry over beautifully. Animals have a way of reflecting our leadership, patience, and presence back at us. Horses, especially, demand clarity, consistency, and calm - three things most of us could use a little more of in daily life.

🐴 Your turn: What lessons have you learned from animals? Did your dog teach you unconditional enthusiasm? Did your cat teach you boundaries? Did your goldfish teach you the value of short-term memory? I’d love to hear what you’ve picked up from the non-human teachers in your life.