My Journey with Mental Health: From Perfectionism to Peace

Hi and welcome back! Today I wanted to continue with some of the more introductory topics as this blog is getting started and share a bit about my journey with mental health.

Growing up, there were a lot of expectations for us kids. We needed to get good grades, be well-behaved, stay out of trouble, and do our chores. Nothing too unusual. But in my family, there was also a clear push toward excellence. My parents expected us to give our best in whatever we did, and for me — the academic nerd of the bunch — that meant getting top grades and preparing for college.

I was driven really hard. I remember moments where I’d bring home my report card, filled with As and A-s from my advanced classes, only to be told I needed to aim for straight A+s. There wasn’t anything malicious about it — my parents believed in my potential, and they pushed me toward it. For that, I’m grateful. But it definitely planted some seeds of perfectionism early on.

That early perfectionism shaped a lot of my adult life. I became afraid to take risks, afraid to make mistakes, and constantly afraid of disappointing people. Just a life built on fear. And it was exhausting.

The Bible says we’re all given spiritual gifts, and I truly believe one of mine is serving. I love to help others — my family, my friends, my community. But somewhere along the way, that healthy desire to serve turned into people-pleasing. I wanted so badly to keep people happy that I’d go along with things I didn’t agree with, or say yes when I should have said no. I was more focused on avoiding disappointment than doing what was actually right for me.

A few years ago, a few events — which I’m not prepared to share at this time — triggered a full-on depressive episode. I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t even get out of bed. Despite my Christian faith, my belief in a loving God, a meaningful life, and a heavenly future, I couldn’t feel it. And I know that sounds cliché, but it was like I was surrounded by sadness and exhaustion, and nothing could break through. And I wanted to be done.

If you’ve never experienced depression, it’s hard to explain the disconnect between what your logical brain knows and what your body feels. Before I went through it myself, I honestly thought depression was just a mindset — that people just needed to snap out of it or work harder. But it’s not that at all. It’s like crying at a Kleenex commercial and then realizing your period’s about to start — your head knows it’s not a big deal, but the emotions still hit hard. Depression felt like that… on steroids.

I tried everything I could to “snap out of it.” I used all the tools I’d learned, all the tricks I knew, but nothing helped. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t see a point to anything. I was even suicidal for a time. Thankfully, I never acted on those thoughts -  mostly because I was too afraid of the process of dying. But that didn’t feel like a victory. It just added shame on top of everything else. I felt like a coward.

Eventually, I went to therapy, and it helped. I learned some practical tools and coping strategies. But then came a day where even those tools weren’t working. I could feel my mental health slipping again - like I was sliding back into the hole. At that time, I had been doing my own thing for a while, spiritually speaking. I had chosen to walk away from God’s path for me.

But in that moment of desperation, when nothing else was working, I called on God. I asked Him to pull me out of the hole I was in. And what happened next… I don’t have the words to fully explain. Within 30 minutes, I didn’t just feel neutral. I felt happy. I felt hopeful. I felt peace.

It was then I realized my mental health struggles weren’t just psychological — they were spiritual, too. I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone, but for me, the two were deeply intertwined. In that moment, I rededicated my life to God. I haven’t looked back. And since then, I haven’t experienced that same kind of depression again.

Now, this isn’t a “how to cure depression” guide. I’m not offering a diagnosis or a five-step solution. This is just my experience — one small snippet of a much larger story. But it still amazes me how God met me in my lowest moment with love, joy, and healing. The God I had turned my back on and tried to do things my own way… was with me the whole time and didn’t even hesitate to pull me from my pit. The generosity of God is something I’ll never stop being grateful for.

So what’s the takeaway here?

You never really know what someone else is going through. You never know what is being concealed. You may not even be aware of all the painful circumstances you’ve buried deep. You never know what might be around the corner in your own life. I was always a pretty optimistic, upbeat kid, and depression still took me by surprise.

If you're in that kind of space, I believe in getting help. I believe in using the tools we’ve been given. And most importantly, I believe in turning to God. There are a lot of great strategies out there — therapy, community, self-care — but nothing compares to the peace, wisdom, and healing that God can bring.

Whatever hole you’re in, He can meet you there too.

What areas do you struggle with? What have you found to be effective in changing your mind and heart?