Quit Disclaiming Yourself: Lesson from Mrs. Ray

Hola and welcome back! Today, as I prepare for a presentation I need to deliver tomorrow, I am reminded of something my 10th grade English teacher, Mrs. Ray, taught me. Her lesson stuck with me for life, and it feels especially relevant right now.

Meeting Mrs. Ray

Mrs. Ray was, without question, the most terrifying teacher I ever had. As freshmen, we were warned about her strict ways and high expectations. We had a full year to dread walking into her English classroom.

When sophomore year finally came, we braced ourselves. We did our best, but that was never quite enough for Mrs. Ray. She pushed us harder than anyone else had before, and as much as we groaned about it at the time, I realize now how much I learned from her.

From Mrs. Ray, I gained skills in critical thinking, analytical reading, and - most unexpectedly - how to grow into a more confident person. And as I sit here getting ready for my presentation, one specific piece of her guidance keeps coming back to me: her advice about presenting.

My Struggle with Public Speaking

I have what feels like a genuine phobia of public speaking. To this day, it’s something I struggle with. Before every presentation, I get sick to my stomach. Intellectually, I know there’s nothing to fear, but try convincing my nervous system.

The symptoms show up like clockwork: sweating, rapid breathing, a pounding heart, and that awful knot in my stomach that usually results with me spending a LOT of time in the bathroom. Sorry for the overshare. It’s as if my body never got the memo that the audience isn’t out to eat me alive.

Back in 10th grade, this fear was just as real. We had been assigned presentations on a book (I don’t even remember which one anymore). Of course, I was one of the last students scheduled, which only made things worse - I had hours to sit there and dread my turn. By the time I stood up, I was literally shaking.

The Habit of Disclaimers

Instead of diving into my presentation, I started with what I now know was a bad habit: disclaimers.

I told the class how nervous I was. I explained that if I had more time and fewer chores, I would’ve prepared better visuals. I even mentioned that I wasn’t sure about how to interpret one specific passage.

In other words, before I even began, I gave the audience a list of reasons why they should expect me to fail.

Mrs. Ray Steps In

Mrs. Ray did not let me get away with it. She stopped me right there in front of everyone. At the time, I was mortified - but in hindsight, I’m so grateful.

She told me plainly to stop commenting on my performance before it even occurred. If I had done my best, then let that show. And if I hadn’t, then do better next time - but don’t waste everyone’s time making excuses in advance.

And then she added the line that stuck with me:

“Even if you haven’t done your best work, don’t go in announcing how bad it is. Go in confident. Deliver what you’ve prepared and let people decide for themselves. Don’t predispose them to look for the flaws.”

That moment has been etched into my memory ever since.

Beyond Presentations

What Mrs. Ray taught me wasn’t just about standing at the front of a classroom. It was about how I speak about myself, my work, and even my worth.

I still sometimes fall into the trap of disclaiming, but Mrs. Ray’s words left a permanent mark on my conscience. I hear her voice when I’m about to hedge or downplay my effort.

Because here’s the truth: we all have doubts. We all see the gaps in our work more clearly than anyone else ever could. But for the love of Pete - you don’t need to share those doubts with everyone else via megaphone.

You don’t need to preface your work with apologies. You don’t need to undermine yourself before others have even had the chance to listen, read, or evaluate. More often than not, people will be far more generous and gracious than you are with yourself.

A Challenge for You

So today, whatever you’re working on - whether it’s a presentation, a project at work, a conversation with someone important, or even a creative effort  take Mrs. Ray’s advice to heart.

Quit disclaiming yourself. Own your effort. Own what you’ve created and who you are. Deliver it with confidence.

You may be surprised to find that you and your work are received much better than you ever feared.

Thank you, Mrs. Ray.

What about you? What important thing did a teacher tell you that has stuck with you? Have you ever been afraid of public speaking? If so, how did you overcome it?

I’d love to hear your stories.